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Alive and Kicking
(Rated- U/A)
(Rated- U/A)
This rating is just a marketing gimmick.
It is because the films with ‘Only for adults’ written on their posters always manage to attract crowds like pied pipers. I remember bunking classes to watch those shady films with ‘A’ certificates. Every time a girl appeared on screen we sat on the verge of the seat anticipating her to take off her clothes. Every time a man and woman are together in a scene, we waited with heavily thumping hearts thinking they would just throw their clothes and start some steamy love making. And almost all the times we were disappointed, and we showed our disappointment by kicking the chairs of the hall.
I would like to rate it ‘A’, but remembering our disappointments, I do not want to disappoint my friends. This rating is mainly to warn my friends about the bad English they would come across while reading. Like any honorable man, I do not want any of the kids to point out the grammatical mistakes. My spelling should be ok, thanks to the ‘right-click’ magic of the MS Word.
Yes, it was friends who wanted me to write. “You use so much of comical language- vroom, zapp, click etc., you should start writing.” this compliment was (or was it a left handed one) from one of my doe-eyed she-classmate. I was motivated enough to write a love letter to her, which never got posted. She used to borrow most of my notes.
In my job, my seniors and colleagues urged me to write reports for them praising my creativity. “There is nobody who can write a report like you, you are the best.” They would say with conspirational whispers dumping my table with files.
All these motivational crap made me dreamy eyed and most of the time I spent dreaming how I would behave after the publication of my first best seller. I dream about pretty women chasing me for my autograph, I dream of being a Male Shobha De churning out one after another erotica, I dream of being compared to P. G. Wodehouse for my wit and charm……….
Ahhh….dreams, dreams, why do they end ???
Then somebody pointed out this new “blog” thing to me. Yes, they are good. There are no editor, you never know if anyone or reading it or not. So, I started writing in two blogs about different issues wearing an intellectual mask, which was not me. So, here I am ‘Alive and Kicking’, writing about our own lives, our own thoughts without any mask. Another cause of starting this blog is to share all these wonderful forwarded mails which I receive from my friends. Some of them religiously forward any mail that is in their inbox. Most of them are censured versions which can not be shared publicly (but keep on forwarding them as I love them). But others are too good to delete. So I think I can share some of them here.
This name also has a root to an upset stomach. I was just boasting about starting a new blog infront of a young pretty girl with an upset stomach (now do not stare yaar, I am human too.) She asked disinterestedly, “Well, what is its name?”
Being caught unaware, I tried to steer the conversation asking her, “Well, forget it. How are you?”
“Alive”. She said is a very tired tone, then all of a sudden she literarily screamed, “Alive and Kicking! Hey, that’s the name of your blog.” We East Indian are always emotionally attached to upset stomachs. Every time we travel, we carry our ‘Pudin haras’ and ‘Gelusils’. So it was hard for me to think of any other name but this one. I would not have started this blog but for her endless reminder about being “Alive and Kicking”.
So here I am, alive and kicking……..
It is because the films with ‘Only for adults’ written on their posters always manage to attract crowds like pied pipers. I remember bunking classes to watch those shady films with ‘A’ certificates. Every time a girl appeared on screen we sat on the verge of the seat anticipating her to take off her clothes. Every time a man and woman are together in a scene, we waited with heavily thumping hearts thinking they would just throw their clothes and start some steamy love making. And almost all the times we were disappointed, and we showed our disappointment by kicking the chairs of the hall.
I would like to rate it ‘A’, but remembering our disappointments, I do not want to disappoint my friends. This rating is mainly to warn my friends about the bad English they would come across while reading. Like any honorable man, I do not want any of the kids to point out the grammatical mistakes. My spelling should be ok, thanks to the ‘right-click’ magic of the MS Word.
Yes, it was friends who wanted me to write. “You use so much of comical language- vroom, zapp, click etc., you should start writing.” this compliment was (or was it a left handed one) from one of my doe-eyed she-classmate. I was motivated enough to write a love letter to her, which never got posted. She used to borrow most of my notes.
In my job, my seniors and colleagues urged me to write reports for them praising my creativity. “There is nobody who can write a report like you, you are the best.” They would say with conspirational whispers dumping my table with files.
All these motivational crap made me dreamy eyed and most of the time I spent dreaming how I would behave after the publication of my first best seller. I dream about pretty women chasing me for my autograph, I dream of being a Male Shobha De churning out one after another erotica, I dream of being compared to P. G. Wodehouse for my wit and charm……….
Ahhh….dreams, dreams, why do they end ???
Then somebody pointed out this new “blog” thing to me. Yes, they are good. There are no editor, you never know if anyone or reading it or not. So, I started writing in two blogs about different issues wearing an intellectual mask, which was not me. So, here I am ‘Alive and Kicking’, writing about our own lives, our own thoughts without any mask. Another cause of starting this blog is to share all these wonderful forwarded mails which I receive from my friends. Some of them religiously forward any mail that is in their inbox. Most of them are censured versions which can not be shared publicly (but keep on forwarding them as I love them). But others are too good to delete. So I think I can share some of them here.
This name also has a root to an upset stomach. I was just boasting about starting a new blog infront of a young pretty girl with an upset stomach (now do not stare yaar, I am human too.) She asked disinterestedly, “Well, what is its name?”
Being caught unaware, I tried to steer the conversation asking her, “Well, forget it. How are you?”
“Alive”. She said is a very tired tone, then all of a sudden she literarily screamed, “Alive and Kicking! Hey, that’s the name of your blog.” We East Indian are always emotionally attached to upset stomachs. Every time we travel, we carry our ‘Pudin haras’ and ‘Gelusils’. So it was hard for me to think of any other name but this one. I would not have started this blog but for her endless reminder about being “Alive and Kicking”.
So here I am, alive and kicking……..
O x y m o r o n s
(from a forwarded mail)
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
I dunno, why do we?
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