Office rules

Gilbert's Observation.
The surest sign of a crisis is that when you have a major problem, no one tries to tell you how to do your job.

Randall's Reminder.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Caffyn's Law of "According to."
The rosier the news, the higher-ranking the official who announces it.

Ackley's Latest Finding.
If you are a big enough company, your mistakes become standards.

Air Force Inertia Axiom.
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.

Anonymous's Reminder to Mind the Real Objective.
Why worry about low tire pressure when you're out of gas.

Bastl's Law.
Through many years of diligence, perseverance, and hard work, one can successfully maintain one's position at the bottom of one's profession.

Bender's Laws.
(1) No two office machines are compatible. (2) In word processing, the worst typos remain invisible until the printout. If the typo also creates an error in fact, it will remain invisible until the letter is in the mail.

Berla's Version.
If you file it, you'll never need it. If you need it, you never file it.

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy.
(1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder.