DIFFERENT STYLES OF DRIVING

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. – Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn – Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator… – Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror – New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat – Italy

One hand on horn, one hand on holding gear, one ear listening to loud music, one ear on cell phone, one foot on accelerator, one foot on clutch, nothing on break, eyes on females in next car, – Welcome to INDIA!

Exam bloopers

Exam bloopers around the world. Had I been the examiner, I would love to give full marks to some of them, just for their originality...

Q- What is a Nitrate?

A- Much cheaper than a Day rate.

Q- What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?

A- He is a noted figure in history as he invented cigarette and started a craze for bi-cycles.

Q- What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?

A- Unusual names

Q- Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.

A- Learning to speak Latin

Q- Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of excessive rainfall (e.g- Mississippi).

A- Flooding in areas such as the Mississippi may be avoided by placing a number of big dames into the river.

Q- Name six animals which live specifically in the Arctic.

A- Two polar bears, three four seals.

Q- How does Romeo's character develop through out the play?

A- It does not. It was just self, self, self all the way through.

Q- Name the wife of Orpheus, whom he attempted to save from the under world.

A- Mrs. Orpheus.

Q- Where was the American declaration of Independence was signed?

A- At the bottom.

Q- What happens during puberty to a boy?

A- He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.

Q- What is the meaning of the word "Varicose"?

A- Close by

Q- What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?

A- Mariah Carey

Q- What is a fibula?

A- A little lie..

Q- Explain the phrase 'free press'.

A- When your mom irons trousers for you.

Q- Why would living close to a mobile phone cause ill health?

A- You might walk into it.

Q- Joanna works in an office. Her computer is a stand alone system. What is a stand alone computer system?

A- It does not come with a chair.

Q- Steve is driving his car. He is traveling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?

A- He could find out by checking his speedometer.

Q- Give a reason why people want to live near power lines.

A- You get your electricity faster.

Q- What is vibration?

A- There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in 1960s.

Q- Where was Hadrian's wall built?

A-Around Hadrian's garden.

Q- The race of people known as Malays come from which country?

A- Malaria.

Office rules

Gilbert's Observation.
The surest sign of a crisis is that when you have a major problem, no one tries to tell you how to do your job.

Randall's Reminder.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Caffyn's Law of "According to."
The rosier the news, the higher-ranking the official who announces it.

Ackley's Latest Finding.
If you are a big enough company, your mistakes become standards.

Air Force Inertia Axiom.
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.

Anonymous's Reminder to Mind the Real Objective.
Why worry about low tire pressure when you're out of gas.

Bastl's Law.
Through many years of diligence, perseverance, and hard work, one can successfully maintain one's position at the bottom of one's profession.

Bender's Laws.
(1) No two office machines are compatible. (2) In word processing, the worst typos remain invisible until the printout. If the typo also creates an error in fact, it will remain invisible until the letter is in the mail.

Berla's Version.
If you file it, you'll never need it. If you need it, you never file it.

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy.
(1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder.