SMS GEMs

Mobile nirjiv hai

SIM uski atma hai

SMS woh gyan hai jo bantne se badhta hai

Is liye He Prani Balance ke moh maya tyaag kar

Nirantar SMS kar

-XX-

If Columbus was married, he would never have discovered America.

Know why:

Where are you going?

With whom?

How are you going?

To discover what?

Why only you?

What do I do, when you are not here?

Why can't I come?

Coming back when?

Dinner ghar pe hi khaoge na?

Mere liye kya laoge?

America? Hah!!! Octroi naka bhi cross nehin kar pata Columbus...

-XX-

Ek Ameer admi ne Garib se pucha: "Acha ye batao, LOVE mehnat hai ya mazaa."

Garib ne bola" "Mazaa hi hoga Saab. Warna aap log ye bhi humse karwate"

-XX-

A Man's daily prayer: "Oh God, give us strength and capacity to pay Income tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, ED, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Property Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Professional Tax, Road Tax, Education Cess, Congestion Levy, Bribes, Alms, Donations, EMIs, Loans, OD Interest, PPF, PF, NSC, Wheel Tax, Toll, Life Insurance, Mediclaim, Maintenance, Petrol, Conveyance, Groceries, Salaries, Wife ke demand, Girl friend ke nakhre

& If there is some money left, please let me have 2 pegs in peace.....Happy March End. ;)

-XX-

Cutest message: New born Baby asked Doctor, "Do you have mobile?"

Doctor, Yeah, but why?"

Baby, "Just wanted to send a message to GOD that I reached safely and send my girl friend soon."

-XX-

When I was 10:

Rubber meant eraser.

Ass meant Donkey.

Pussy meant Cat.

Cock meant Rooster.

Our thinking and perception surely has changed with time.....

-XX-

Question asked in a test: "If you are married to one of the twin sisters, how you would recognise your wife?"

The best answer was : "Why should I?"

-XX-

We know TAJ MAHAL as the symbol of love. But the other lesser known facts:

• Mumtaz was Shahjahan's 4^th wife out of his 7 wives.
  
• Shahjahan killed Mumtaz's husband to marry her.
  
• Mumtaz died in her 14^th delivery.
  
• He then married Mumtaz's sister.
  

Question arises...Where the Hell is LOVE???

-XX-

Father: If you fail in exams again, do not call me Dad!

After result was out, father asked: How is your result?

Son: Sorry yaar Damodar, tune apne aap ko baap kehlane ka haq kho diya re..

If you think positively-

Sound becomes Music.

Movement becomes Dance.

Smile becomes Laughter.

Mind becomes Meditation.

& Life becomes Celebration.

Try it......

Bhakt: Swamiji, Aisi Patni Ko Kya Kahenge Jo Gori Ho, Beatiful Ho, Lambi Ho, Intelligent Ho, Pati Ko Samjhe Aur Kabhi Jhagda Na Kare???

Swami Ji: AFWAH

-XX-

Government is thinking of changing it's emblem "Ashoka Pillar" to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the Government's political stance.

A condom allows inflation...

Halts production..

Destroys the next generation..

Protects a bunch of dicks...

And gives you a sense of security while you are actually being screwed...

-XX-

Wedding is the day when a Boy stands on a stage and watch other girls dressed beautifully and think "Why did not I see her before?"

-XX-

Sardar's son was filling a form. The form asked about Mother tongue. Son asked, "Papa! Mai Itthe ki Likhaan?" Sardar answered, " Likh Putter, LONG AND UNCONTROLLED."

-XX-

World's most amazing fact: The letters "A B C D" do not appear in the spelling of 1 to 99.

The D appears first time in HunDreD.

"A" appears first time in thousand.

"B" appears first time in Billion.

"C" appears first time in Crore...

-XX-

When Body was 1^st made, all parts wanted to be BOSS. Brain said I because I decide. Feet said us, so did heart, lungs, hands and eyes. Finally A##HOLE said I should be boss. All started laughing. So A##HOLE went on strike, blocked itself and refused to open. In short time hands cranked, eyes blurred, ears omitted hot air, brain went heavy, heart and lungs panicked. So everybody made it their boss.

MORAL- It does not matter How Talented You Are, ANY ASSHOLE Can Be Your Boss..!

-XX-

Doctor: You are looking very exhausted? Are you taking 3 meals as I had adviced?

Lady: Oh My God, I heard 3 males....

One more Gem from a friend

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.